Insisting on Being Right When Actually, You’re Wrong!

 The question, “How have you contributed to the problems in the relationship?” is one that northern VA marriage counselors ask all the time.  It has been said that the greatest fault of all is to be conscious of none. Why? Because if you are not conscious of your own faults, you cannot correct them. This is one reason those involved in northern VA marriage counseling ask this question.  It is near impossible for couples experiencing conflict in their relationship to find long-lasting peace if they don’t first acknowledge that the way they have been interacting has been part of the problem. 

Consider the following fascinating, true story about how the human mind can become convinced that what it believes is true when in reality, it is false. Its relevance to marriage will be made in part 2 of this two-part article.

 

[Note: If you need marriage counseling in northern Virginia, including marriage counseling Fairfax County and marriage counseling Loudoun County,) feel free to contact Dr. Ken Newberger, who provides an effective alternative to traditional approaches.

 

Facilitated Communication

 

Introduction 

A warrant was issued for his arrest.  Authorities alleged he had sexually abused his son, now 17.  The father protested his innocence. Nevertheless, Robert was forced out of his home for the next six months.  He was allowed no contact with his son.

 

What makes this case so extraordinary is that the graphic accusations originated with a boy who was autistic from birth – that is, one with whom meaningful communication was minimal to non-existent.  How could this be?

 

The Belief

Let’s go back to January 1992 and the television program Prime Time with Diane Sawyer.  She began, “And now a story about hope.  For decades, autism has been a dark mystery, a disorder that seems to turn children in on themselves.… Tonight, however, you are going to see something that has changed that.  Call it a miracle. Call it an awakening.” Call it, “facilitated communication.” 

 

For the first time ever, autistic children diagnosed with a brain development disorder were showing the world that it was wrong.  Many such children were now doing algebra, diagramming sentences, writing poetry, and expressing feelings. Not that they conversed with spoken words.  Rather they did this through the help of “facilitators” who held up and supported their arms. The autistic children would then touch letters or numbers on a keyboard to spell out their thoughts.

 

Interest in this new discovery began to spread like wildfire.  By 1994, thousands of people were being trained as facilitators, and millions of dollars were being spent to help autistic children communicate in ways never dreamed of before.  When one mother saw the first words her daughter spelled out, she exclaimed, “I just felt like I was looking down into a well and my daughter was there, down at the bottom of the well, and I was seeing her for the first time.”

So impressive was the output of some of these youngsters that people began to wonder whether it was the child or the facilitator who was responsible for the typing. 

 

The Problem

Unfortunately, as this new communication technique spread throughout the country, so did allegations of sexual abuse. Children, through their facilitators, were alleging that a parent or a teacher was sexually abusing them.  Some parents were forced to leave their homes without being allowed contact with their children. Others were jailed. Still, other parents had their children taken from them.  Families were being ripped apart as the state stepped in to ensure the safety of these children.  Yet parents were tearfully insisting upon their innocence. Definitive answers about the validity of this form of communication were needed.

 

Tests were set up.  For example, the facilitator and child would sit side by side at one end of a long, rectangular table, facing the other.  Running down the middle of the table was a partition so that the facilitator could not see what the child saw, and the child could not see what the facilitator saw. 

 

Initially, both facilitator and child were shown the same pictures, and the child, with the facilitator’s help, correctly typed out what was revealed to both.  Then, the child was shown one picture, and the facilitator was simultaneously shown another. What was typed was the name of the item the facilitator saw, not the item that only the child saw.

 

To be continued in Part 2. You will learn how this fascinating story applies to marriage counseling in northern Virginia, including marriage counseling Fairfax County and marriage counseling Loudoun County.