My Husband May Be Having an Affair. Should I Try and Get Proof?

This is a question that Ashburn marriage counselors, Chantilly marriage counselors, and marital therapists everywhere may have your answer.  Let’s consider one wife’s dilemma. 

After 27 years of marriage, my husband may be having an affair. I used to trust him without reservation. This has changed in the last six months as he has grown increasingly distant. He is not at home like he used to be. He claimed it is because of the demands at work. In the last two months, working full weekdays was not enough. Now, he is working weekends and has even taken a couple of overnight trips. Since our children are grown, I have suggested that I go with him to mix business with pleasure. He quickly shot that idea down. He even has excuses why it is not a good idea for me to take him to the airport.

As I have begun to question him more and confront him about the change in his behavior, he becomes defensive and upset with me for not trusting him. I realize that no one likes to be micro-managed. At the same time, I feel something is clearly out of sync. Rather than ignore what my gut is telling me, I am thinking about asking my husband to provide me evidence of his travels (airline tickets, car rentáis, hotel receipts, etc.). I am also thinking about having him video chat with me when he is working local but working late. I need reassurance that he is where he says he is. Deep down I fear my husband is having an affair. My question is this: If he doesn't provide proof, should I try and get it on my own? I don’t like wondering day after day if my husband is still being faithful to me.

What would you to spouse’s seeking Ashburn marriage counseling, Chantilly marriage counseling, or elsewhere?  Here is the perspective of others.

Barbara: "I think the video chatting or a quick call would not be too much to ask as long as you do it in moderation. Snapchat photos and videos throughout the night always put me at ease and actually made me feel more loved. I can empathize with your anxiety about your husband and it is absolutely crushing. It also seems reasonable for you to drop him off at the airport for plane trips. Being a cheating husband (or wife) takes money, and since you are married, I am assuming finances are shared so you could check your bank statements and stuff. That's a little less open and honest but it could be a gateway to a good conversation with him."

Susan: After 27 years of marriage my husband may be cheating on me. I used to trust him without reservation. But in the last six months he has grown increasingly distant. "In this day and age, there are always paper trails: Do you share a bank account? Where is he spending money? Has he always used his debit card and recently switched to mostly cash transactions? Cell phone records? Is there a number that is repeatedly called/texted? Luggage? When he comes home from the airport, does his bags have the airline tags on them? Been scuffed up like most baggage that goes through airlines? Mileage on his car? Is he just going to and from work? Anything unusual in his car? Ask him to bring you a souvenir from the next city you go to. Something with the city name on it. These will help determine if you are your husband is being unfaithful."

Janice: "I know you are feeling suspicious, but seriously sit down and talk to him about this. Do not come to it in an accusatory way, that would put anyone on the defensive. I think you will get a lot of insight into your marriage from a calm and rational discussion with your husband. Please don't let your paranoia of having a cheating husband escalate any further. Talk to him."

Charles: "More times than not, 'getting caught' is the best thing that can happen. Then real conversation can begin.” I suggest you stay on your husband's trail until you find out one way or the other. Don't rely just on his word when your gut tells you otherwise."

Perhaps you would suggest something different.  What would you say to your client if you were an Ashburn marriage counselor or a Chantilly marriage counselors?